Absolution for torn dreams
by KimieVII
Summary: Everything's his fault. To become a hero, to accomplish his dreams, it's because of him if abruptly all of this has come to an end. Between the two, who's the more selfish ? Who's the silliest ? Nothing remains but the rain to reveal the truth. Zack/Cloud


**Title:** _Absolution for torn dreams_

**Author:** KimieVII

**Genre: ****"yaoi" (Or very soft lime. I do not know what is it actually... uh...)**

**Rating : **M ( just because of the lime.)

**Pairing :** Zack/Cloud. Well... Not a surprise for people who know me.

**Source:** Final Fantasy VII

**Disclaimer:** The characters and the universe are the property of Square Enix.

**Beta Reader : spopococ**

**Notes:** First of all, this is my first translated work! I'm French and I'm used to writing in French, but I wanted to try a translation at least once. I still don't know if I'll translate my other works, but here is one of my more recent ones. A One-Shot that I wrote for the birthday of one of my friends (Fuyuka). However my english is far from being perfect and I want to thank** spopococ** for having entirely corrected my text. She did an amazing work and helped me a lot. Notably for turning my sentences in a more "english way". Without her, there still would be some mistakes. So thank you very much spopococ!

I also want to thank KrystalPlanetarium because she's the one who encouraged me for translating one of my works. She's known as **00ProphecyStudios00** on Youtube. You should check her videos, they are beautiful!

Just as a bit of a suggestion, I wrote this story listening to three tunes from Crisis Core: _Scars of Friendship,_ _Burden_ _of Truth_ and _Melody of Resolution._ I think that listening to them (regardless of order) will really put you into the atmosphere of this story. Now, do as you wish. =)

* * *

oOo

**Absolution for torn dreams**

-

One... Two... Three drops on his black leather glove. Soon, they were followed by too large a number of their sisters to entertain him in counting them all.

Clouds are rising up ahead and he can see the black and the gray opening angles on a pristine blue. Amongst them, the strange phenomenon of illuminated sunshine plots. It bathes with its rays the cover that seeks to stifle it, crossing with the strength that this royal and often divine circle of light places within him. Such a view is often to render one speechless. Yet, his eyes fell rapidly to the Earth. He knows as powerful as the sun may be, it can't prevent the clouds from reducing it to a state of impotence, for even that short amount of time.

But who knows if it will ever return to its glory? The rules of this world haven't been established by humans. Never. Everything could change, would become a mess for dropping him in the dark, and it would all be indefinitely. So he could only reach his arm out to the light, as remote and unattainable as it appeared.

He's soaked, his hair drips, the land turns into mud around him, stones seem to ooze and small streams are running around his boots. It is dark, almost night, and the rain, relentless in its falling, makes a firm splash around him. It is the only sound that has invaded the area, a sound that fills the air, which resonates in the ears, and yet remains so melodious to listen to because of its softness. It is a cruel and surprising contrast with the force that employs the rain to fall on him violently, as if trying to hit him, hurt him.

.

_« "And you?_ _What is your 'light', Cloud ?_ _Have you ever reached it ? Are you still looking for it ?_ _See, even the sun rays can penetrate the clouds to illuminate them..._"

_"..._ _But it seems all I can do is cry."_

_"I think you're wrong._ _Why? Because I found my light, Cloud."_ _»_

._  
_

The moisture soaking through his clothes caused them to stay slicked to his skin, against which the falling water continues to stream. It's strange, why should he find it so... enjoyable? Why is there this pleasant ... ?

.

_« "..._ _Ah..._ _AH !_ _Hm ..._ "

_"... Hh..._ _Tell me ..._ "

_"..._ _Do no... Don't... aah ..._ "

_"..._ _Tell me."_ _»_

._  
_

After taking his courage in both hands, he is in front of this sword again. Again, he stands before this improvised grave, although no body lies within its earthen walls. The downpour is so strong that it blurs his view. Gently, he raises his hand on the cold metal; worn, rusty, tarnished by time. He cuts himself on one of the grooves and a fine bead of blood trickles from its index to follow the furrow, tracing an irregular scarlet colored path against the harsh pallor of the chipped blade. But it does not matter. To bleed, for him, is perhaps the best remedy. One must expiate his faults, after all.

_Forgive me ..._ _I knew your dreams, I broke everything._

To speak with the sword never did seem strange to him. Nor did the words of bad tongues, those which make reference to the margin as "normal", and whistle when an element slightly moves away from it. Those that call out a sign of madness. No, despite what they said this has always seemed natural, because somewhere, this sword is the only thing left of him. All that remains of him is that old piece of metal. Don't those who cry on a loved one's tomb, speak to the deceased by setting their stone? If there is a place where he could hear him, it could only be here. It always breathes his presence; as if his soul is always blowing in these places, bringing this hill a sense of nostalgia of how he felt when he was around him. Finally, this entire small parcel of land was breathing its soothing company. It could be felt within the air. But today, when he finally dares return, his heart is too full of remorse to listen. It smothers everything that could have appeased. Yet, it's true that he was mad at him. Terribly. Accusing him, insulting him. How could he inflict such injury? He was selfish, nothing more. He suffered too much by loving him, and it hurt too much to forgive him. It became even too much to admit that everything was actually his fault. It was so much easier to blame the other... Until he finally stopped fleeing and admitted that he was the only responsible for his woes.

…_Everything's my fault._ _Entirely my fault …_ _I am the only one to blame…_

Too long held within, he releases a long sigh of regret floating into the air, whilst a few drops of rain crash to the ground.

.

« _"Tell me, Cloud, do you have a dream ?"_

_"..._ _Why do you ask?_ "

_"Just to know._ _Everybody has dreams. I guess I'd just like to know yours. Come on, tell me, tell me!"_

_"..._ _I guess, I don't know..._ _I wanted to be like Sephiroth ..."_

_"..._ _Him?_ _I find it hard to imagine you with long silver hair and this look of 'Leave me alone or you'll be lucky enough to have experienced a very intimate relationship with my Masamune!' !"_

_"Remind me, was that to make me laugh, or did you really not understand?"_

_"Ah, if we can't laugh!_ _So?_ _Why 'wanted'?_ _You don't want that anymore?"_

_"..._ _I know now that it's an unachievable goal ..."_

_"...Have you spoken with Lazard by any chance?"_

_"Huh? Why?"_

_"No, it's nothing ..._ _It's a beautiful dream, Cloud._ _You have to believe in it, otherwise you'll fail to push the barriers that will be in your way to achieve what is so precious to you."_

_"..._ _Huh?_ _You're acting a little weird..._ _..._ _What about you?"_

_"Me what?"_

_"What do you think?!_ _Do you have a dream..._ _?"_

_"Yup!_ _To become a hero!"_

_"Like Sephiroth?"_

_"No._ _Even better! I want to surpass the status of the almighty Sephiroth!"_

_"...You're worse than me..._ _But don't we say that the more unattainable dreams are the best?"_

_"Hey!_ _Why is everyone telling me that! It's just plain not true."_

_"But..."_

_"Hmm ?"_

_"... You are closer than me to reaching it..._ _You've already made first class..."_

_"Cloud..." »_

._  
_

It's so dark and the rain falls so hard now, that it seems like a thick curtain has formed around him. He is outside, but he feels trapped.

…_Forgive me..._ _It's only ever my fault if you didn't become a hero._ _I am the only one responsible for __what happened the day when everything stopped for you._ _If I was stronger..._ _If I was more than just your burden ..._

His eyes lower to the ground. He dares not return them to the imposing figure that has served as his weapon.

…_Everything is..._ _my fault…_

A gust suddenly rises and rain hits his cheek with a force not contained. Maybe he holds the right to cry...

.

« "_Zack!_ _Hurry up!_ _We'll miss the truck!"_

_"No, no._ _It's raining too hard to continue to move forward._ _Don't worry, they won't leave without us._ _Come, there's a tree over there, we can hide underneath it while it's raining."_

_The plain was desert and flooded._ _Wherever the eyes could be carried, it was a barren land of rubble and broken stones._ _At the foot of a cliff, a single tree stood miserably, bent against the rock._ _Reluctantly, the young man obeyed his superior._ _He felt bad towards the idea of making their companions wait._ _Not that he appreciated them to the point of regretting they're waiting, but being noticed was the last thing he ever wanted in Shin-Ra's army._

_"Zack, nobody told you that taking shelter under a tree was a very bad idea when there is a storm in the air, did they?"_

_The soldier with deep black hair, such a contrast to his blonde companion, did not reply to the question._ _Eyes simply rose to the sky and he seemed to be expecting something._

_"Zack?_ _What are you..."_

_"I counted._ _The last thunderclap was heard about fifteen seconds after the flash._ _That means it's still quite distant._ _There's no major risk."_

_"It's still dangerous!_ _Zack, please..._ _let's just go now..."_

_"Go."_

_"What ?_ _You're..._ _You're not coming with me?"_

_"I'm... not coming back."_

_"Wh..._ _What are you..._ _saying..._?"

_The face of the raven hair's man was dark, and his young friend wasn't wrong in seeing it also reflected the sadness in his eyes. Usually they sparkled with joy and malice, but all that had changed when he addressed a small, sad, guilty smile to him._ _The soldier was serious._ _His friend was petrified, a growing panic seizing a stronghold on his heart._

_"N..._ _No..._ _!_ _You can't..._ _you..._ _have no __**right**_ _to do that !_ _You... It's a joke, right..._ _?"_

_"You weren't there when it happened._ _But what I've done… I can't anymore..._ _Shin-Ra..._ _it's nothing but a huge lie._ _I'll never realize my dreams while remaining in this army. I'm..._ o_n the wrong side..._ _I think ..."_

_The soldier who spoke came forward a little to his younger accomplice, and gently moved his hand toward him to catch his arm._

_"No!_ _Don't touch me!"_

_The cadet moved abruptly away from the hand, trembling with a fear of the unknown as if taken by a bout of amnesia._

_"Why..._ _?"_

_And tears began to emerge on the corner of his clear water blue eyes._

_"_…_Why are you always having fun with me like that..._?

_"I'm sorry, Cloud..._ _Just one last time ..."_

_Without being discouraged, the man continued to move forward, always gently, as if approaching a wild animal he was reluctant to startle._ _Despite all this, the blonde moved back again, this time with anger._

_"And your dreams!_ _What about them, huh?_ _Do you just abandon them?_ _It's just not like you!_ _I..._ _I don't understand..."_

_"Cloud ..."_

_Successfully this time, the raven haired soldier managed to grab the blonde's hand and drew him against his chest, huddling him gently into his arms._

_"…I don't understand..."_ _»_

._  
_

There once was a time when he was no longer alone. The mere presence of his companion was enough to reassure him, he could say he was somebody, a whole person that existed within the eyes of another. He was happy. Empty moments of his life were no longer. Finally, he didn't need too much.

« _His moist skin, his chest against which the rain was rolling; He couldn't come off as he sat upon the soldier's thighs._

_The feeling of those hands that more than once have roamed his body with affection was so familiar within his memory._ _Although, everything was different._ _Outside, under a downpour, when he was well accustomed to a room, sheets and a bed… above all, his chest was shouting, torturing him._ _All this looked to be nothing but an illusion._ _Nothing seemed real, neither in their words nor in their actions,_ _and yet the pain and the pleasure he felt in that moment were real._ _Zack's body too._ _Breathing in his neck, his hands in his hair, his lips on his skin, and the rain that he couldn't think to be cold._ _Everything was far too tangible to be false. »_

Now, he could understand what the man had meant by the _Shin-Ra is nothing but a huge lie,_ but he refused to believe it at this time. He was told to believe in his dream after all. How could he speak about it as a paradox? That day, really, he met a stranger, and he sought with the force of desperation to find an ounce of familiarity, the comfort of which he had become so accustomed to.

« _"Ah..._ _Zack ..."_

_He sought his lips and when he found them, he thought that nothing could separate them now._ _A desperate exchange he gave, with all the pain in his chest that could finally shout freely into the mouth of the soldier; it was that which was now linking the two men._ _No, he didn't want him to go. __No, he won't leave._

_His body arched suddenly, his knees drove into the mud and he cut the kiss for shouting._ _He had almost reached his limit, but when it crossed, this would mean that everything will stop..._ _?_ »

Now he knew that Zack had sacrificed everything for him, and that he had suffered as much as him. If there was someone selfish, it was him, and not Zack. In truth, he had always known. But everything was the soldier's fault originally. If he hadn't fallen in love, none of this would have happened. Yet, none of the happy moments he had lived would have either…

« _The two_ _men were nothing more than a ball of tangled limbs and flesh._ _Cloud's eyes were blurred by his tears, the rain and the pleasure prevented him from thinking properly as he hung his arms around the neck and back of his companion._ _No way would he him go… he would never move away from him… from this…_

_"Hh..._ _Cloud ...What..._ _hh... What… do you want..._ _?"_

_Hips against hips, Zack was making him crazy._

_"D..."_

_"Tell me…"_

_"..._ _Ah..._ _AH !_ _Hm..."_

_"...Tell me ..."_

_"..._ _Do no... Don't... aah ..."_

_"..._ _Tell me."_

_"Don't go!"_

_Then his mind splashed with pleasure and became white. Clear white, bright and warm. This was his 'light'. » _

._  
_

The rain finally began to calm down. A few drops, barely visible, barely perceptible, faded gently into the landscape. The sun, as always, has resumed its rights, and the clouds had dissipated in their defeat. The light is soft and pale, and it casts a warm glow upon his face.

…_I was the most stupid of the two, wasn't I?_ _I understood your message… Thank you, Zack._

For the first time on this hill, Cloud allows a peaceful smile to redraw the once carefree features of his face. Now that he could hear and actually _listen_, it had relieved him of an unbearable weight. And if Zack could achieve his dream, then nothing else could make him happier.

.

oOo _You don't have to apologize, Cloud. I realized my dream the day I gave my life and when my sacrifice allowed you to live._ _You also have inherited my dreams, and completed them. Why should I be mad at you ?_ _You are all that made me become a hero._ oOo

* * *

Normally, people choose to write a text in past or present tense. As an exception, I mixed the two, since what is in italic refers to the past. But I don't know if it's something I can do...

First time I write a semblance of lemon. Well, rather a soft lime. This is not quite that yet, but it's still a first step. However, I deliberately didn't describe in too many details. As all this OS is... blurred.

Thank you for reading!


End file.
